I, Catalyst

On some days, frustration fills the air. There is a tense, undeserving silence that is heard throughout the house.

On other days, warmth and happiness spread throughout the house, like a wave engulfing all that it reaches.

When the kids are "making me frustrated", my lack of patience is obvious and my tolerance is at zero.

I have learned that I am not reacting to their behavior; they are reacting to MY behavior.

I am the catalyst within the house. MY mood seems to set the tone. When I am calm, the house is calm. When I am tense, the house becomes tense.

Sure, kids are trying in every sense of the word and will work every last nerve I have, but how I learn to handle the situation sets the tone for the kids, and in turn, how the rest of the day goes...

Mama Drama

Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!

Last night, I unloaded my car full of shopping bags and groceries and made my way up what seemed to be a million stairs, unbalance and hoping to make it up the stairs without falling. I put away the groceries, dinner from earlier, and gifts I had purchased for Christmas. All the while feeling that even if for a brief moment, I closed my eyes, I would definitely fall to the floor passed out! I manage to finish up and make my way to my bedroom where I find laundry spread out on my bed, at least 3 loads. I then fold and put away what seems to be an endless pile of clothes, my hands unsteady and eyes unfocused! Finally, I shower. Slow motion seems to be the speed I am going (at least in my head). I am barely able to hold myself up, my bones feel heavy, and I am now ready to sleep. I pass out!

I am awaked in the middle of the night by a horrible nightmare that I can not shake...

Reminiscent of my younger (pre-kids) days, I felt completely drunk. The difference is this time, there was no alcohol involved. It was just plain exhaustion. It seems life eventually catches up to us all...

On the brighter-side, at least I didn't wake up with a hang-over.

Mama Drama

Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!

I try so hard to parent so that my girls don't grow up with psychological issues, that they might just grow up with psychological issues...

Mama Drama

Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!

When a baby starts growing in teeth it marks a major point in their growth process- they move on to the next phase-infant to baby. It's an exciting time, broken looking smiles and all...

..until they get their full set of teeth, another exciting milestone. Beautiful happy smiles emerge, crooked teeth and all...

..until they start losing their baby teeth and move on to the next phase of growth. I'm not happy or excited. A strange feeling of loss starts to emerge.

This is where I am! My daughter has a loose tooth!!! I can't explain the overwhelming feeling of sadness, denial, and loss that seems to be invading all my memories of my baby and bringing me closer to thoughts of a big girl, 'tween and teen...

Though it may seem premature on my part to have such feelings, I do!

The growing excitement of a baby's first tooth is only contradicted later by the loss of that first loose tooth.

I, Student

Before I am a teacher, I must first be the student. This is a continuous process of growing and learning for both me and my girls. This constant state of parenting will continue for as long as I want to be efficient in parenting my children. I am here to help guide them, teach them, and encourage them. So first, I must know them.

There is no “cookie cutter” way of parenting. There are useful ideas, hints, and help is always welcome, but I’ve learned that I must first discover each individual personality. Each child has their own set of "corks", their own degrees of sensitivity and individual needs.

Sometimes, I can group the girls all under the title- “my girls”, but in reality they have their own individual identity. Each girl is their own character, put forth with a different personality. When I am able to know my girls as individuals, is usually when I am most effective in teaching and taking care of them.

Isabella-Like most first born females, was born 25! Usually a nurturing, yet serious disposition…

Lex- The classic middle child. I always say I have 1, 2, 3 & 3. The twins are both considered 3! Therefore, she takes on the constant struggle between being a big girl like, Belle, and being younger like her baby sisters. Her spirit is unmatched, she rules the world…

Dani & Katie- They are our “babies”. They represent all that a child is- free spirits, which for now are vibrant and brave…

Though, each of my girls share amazing similarities and great parallels in personalities, they each encompass a wonderful uniqueness. Their similarities and differences divide as well as bring together wondrous ideas, thoughts, and great love. When I recognize each of them and appreciate the differences, is when they start to respond and accept what I am trying to teach them. I love and nurture each of them as individuals, and all as my daughters. Isabella, Alexandra, Danielle and Katherine, are my teachers…

Confessions

Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!

"They" say when a woman is pregnant, her brain actually shrinks 10%. The brain will go back to normal 6 months after giving birth. Between you and me, it's been almost 3 years, and I still don't think I've made a full recovery!

Confessions

Confessions of a Mama Drama Queen!

I bought my daughter the new Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus CD- but I probably would have bought it anyway for myself if she wasn't into her! "Movin' my hips like, yeah..."

Confessions

As part of my blog I will now start a new type of post:

Confessions of Mama Drama Queen!

These posts will be titled:
"Confessions"

The posts will most likely be short (some of the time), and to the point.

Confession:

I can't wait until the clock strikes 7 and the girls are down! I am so exhausted I should probably go to sleep when they do, but I don't. I sit. I watch mindless TV until I pry myself up to bed!

I am a Contradiction...

Motherhood consists of a series of inconsistencies.

As a mother I contradict myself at every turn.

-It's too early for sugar, yet I have my morning coffee with something sweet.

-I yell out at our kids to "stop yelling".

-While applying my make-up, my girls are always asking to wear some and I always say, "you are beautiful with out make-up, you don’t ever need to wear any"- as I'm trying to make myself up!

-“Don’t run in the house, you’re going to slip and break your head”. What makes running outside any safer? In fact it seems the injury would probably be worse outside.

-I often catch myself saying "will you stop being silly". HELLO they are KIDS, which means they are going to act silly!

Here’s my vice, which I can’t help and don’t think I’ll ever change. I tell them (well, at least Lexi): “You need to sleep in your bed all night”. I secretly love when they come to cuddle with me and I won't turn them away.

I open my eyes, it feels like I just closed them, but in reality it’s the twilight of the night. There is a dark and quiet calmness that has settled in the house. I feel a presence around that awakens me from the stillness of my slumber. I slowly open my eyes. My little girl, with her eyes barely opened- talking in tongues, tells me “mommy can I sleep with you?” I know I should take her little hand, walk her back to her bed, give her a gentle kiss on the forehead and tell her everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you. Instead, I pick her up, lay her next to me, give her a gentle kiss on the cheek and tell her, everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you.

I’m sure no matter how much effort is put forth, I know it will happen on many more occasions. It seems for me, motherhood is a series contradictions and cover-ups that at least for now seem to be in the best interest of my children…

Working Out

My at home regimen includes the following, which are performed throughout the day:

Dishes- works out my arms

Picking up things/toys/kids, etc... off the floor- abs and arms

Going over the gate(hurdles) - legs, and abs

Lifting the kids over the gate- arms, back

Going up and down the stairs for various tasks- cardio

These are just few of many "exercises" I do within my daily routine...

...I think I should be a lot thinner!

Little Shadows

I have a shadow that creeps about. No matter the time of day or change in sunlight- she's there. My shadow's image is small-but her presence is grand. She sometimes doubles up, and sometimes seems blurred into four small silhouettes. Though, a normal shadow is quiet and unassuming, mine seems to loud and boisterous, always wanting to be seen and heard. My shadow wants to be embraced. I can hug her and love her, until she is comfortable enough to sneak away, even if it's just for a few moments. I can count on my shadow always being there, whether I want her there or not. My shadow learns, plays and can even teach me a few things. My shadow wants her presence know to me and all those around me. So, for all of us moms out there who have the same or a similar type of shadow as mine, let's try to embrace it the best we can- because no matter how much sometimes we'd like to break away, our little shadow(s) need us...

Is Giving up, Giving in?

I am asked a question by my daughter and my answer is no. The phone rings, and it is a call I actually need to take. The twins decide they need me right away, and Lex decides she is going to ask me the same question once again- all the while I am trying to have an important conversation on the phone.

Moving about the house does not help when I have a blurred shadow of four, which seems to be following me. I try my hardest to continue the conversation, get the babies what they need, and tell Lex once again the answer is, no!

My shadow which contains the haze of four little impressions seems to have not yet disappeared. I once again get the babies what they need, I am again asked the same question by Lex, and the answer "FINE!" seemed to jump off my tongue in a fit of distress for one minute of peaceful interaction between me and the person on the other end of the phone line.

Is giving up, giving in? Sometimes, but once in a while I need that brief moment that comes when I do!

Summer

My alarm clock has been turned off-it is now officially summer. The scheduled chaos of school days has come to a temporary halt. We now wake up to the babies yelling "upppppppa" or Lex crawling in to bed for some morning cuddles. Scheduled activities for the summer don't begin until 10:00am.

I'm not rushing around all day like the crazed Taxi driver that moms usually become- but now the girls are home, together, the entire day!

Relaxing still seems impossible. Quiet only comes in small doses, between the screams of the girls bickering with one another. We look forward to summer vacation, once it's upon us, I find myself looking forward to school starting, again.

I get a break from driving around all day-only to break up the constant bickering between siblings. Figures!

Wanting to fly

My daughter has a dream to soar above, flutter among the flowers, glide along the clouds, and reach for the stars...

From the corner of my eyes I can see my 3 year old up to something. I glance over to see her with a balloon tied around her waist. She gets on her tippy toes, she jumps up! To her disappointment, she falls back down on her feet. She then decides she must gather the remaining balloons in the house-because that's what's going to do it, she needs more! She pleads with her sisters to let her have their balloons, "please I need them". She now has them all. She gets up once again on the tip of her toes, jumps up, and realizes-even with all the balloons, she still can't fly!

For over a year now, my daughter, Alexandra has been very saddened by the fact that she cannot fly. She is continuously asking me why she can't fly and when she is going to be able to fly. Her references include Thumbelina and TinkerBell.

Alexandra thought she had found a loop-hole to her whole flying dilemma! She didn't actually need wings to fly!!!

I took the older girls to see UP! this weekend. In the movie an old man uses balloons to lift his house up...At one point a little boys that has embarked on this journey with the old man uses the balloons to fly away. He young boy ties the balloons to his waist and flies off...

Sleeping

I use to close my eyes, lay my head down on my soft pillow, my body would sink into my heavenly bed and settle down to vivid visions of the most wonderful dreams. Colors popped, sounds seemed so loud, emotions seemed so real. I use to get scared- awakened by visions of surreal nightmares. Darkness rampaged my thoughts, falling, screaming, running, waking up out of breathe. Thoughts, emotions and actions seemed so real-scary or enlightening.

Now- My head hits my pillow, and what feels like one hour later-my alarm goes off. No colors, no thoughts, no wondrous images-just sleep.

There is a couple exceptions to this: The Children.

I feel a presence standing next to me, I open my eyes to find a tiny figure at the side of my bed. She has her water cup in one hand and her blanket in the other. She awaits my next move -allowing her to come sleep in "mommy's bed". When there is a night where everyone stays in their own beds, I will usually awake to the ever present "MOM" sound that seems to continuously be heard through out the day and echos into the night!

So, if you have the privilege to actually dream-enjoy!

Organizing Art

Problem: My mother threw out all of my childhood projects, so in turn, I keep all of my girls' projects. I have a hug bins of their art that I just don't want to let go, and it keeps growing.

Solution: I've decided to get rid of it all! Before I do that, I have taken on a major project of my own-I am going to photograph all their projects and create a book(s) of their work! Books do not take up room and they will have a chance to actually flip through and see all their art through the years (I don't realistically think they would actually to go through the bins to look at all their art). I try to take some pictures everyday, and photograph all their new art as it comes in.

Conclusion: I have a major project ahead-but once I'm caught up, I think it will work out great!

I, Adult

Why are you going? What are you doing? How long is that going to take? Why do you have to ____? When are you going to ____? Who are you talking to? ...and on and on and on... why, why , why, why, why......

When you reach adulthood, you have a sense of relief that you no longer have to answer to anyone. Well, let's just say it- our parents! We no longer have to justify what we do, when we do it, or how we did it...

...until you have children! Children are curious, dependent, caring, loving, and oh, so innocent! It's not easy though, when I feel like I have to answer more questions now as an adult-than I ever did.

I constantly have to justify why I did things in that particular way, and why not the "other" way. We all have to answer to someone and once you have children that's who your answering to! The answer "just because" or "because I'm the mom" hasn't yet left my mouth, though I've been very tempted. I may break eventually!

I, Comforter -- by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, M.D., M.O.M.

Last week, I had the unfortunate circumstance of having to take Hope, one of my twin daughters, to the hospital for surgery. She had a history of multiple ear infections, and I finally agreed to let the doctors place tubes in her ears. The procedure involves the insertion of tiny tubes through the ear drums to help equalize ear pressure and drain fluid from the middle ear.

The surgery took less than an hour, but it seemed like days before they called my name to meet her in the recovery unit. As I walked into the room, Hope was still emerging from anesthesia. Her eyes were closed, but she was writhing around and crying hysterically in the arms of a recovery room nurse. They had tried to give her a dose of a sedative and pain medication to calm her down. But no luck. She was mad!

I took her into my arms, and I could feel the pain and anger in her tense body. Though her eyes were still closed and she was in a half-awake state, my maternal instincts sensed that she acknowledged my presence. I held her close to my body and whispered gently in her ear, "Hope, Mommy's here. You're OK. Mommy's here now."

Within minutes she was relaxed and asleep in my arms. The sudden silence was obvious, and I got an approving smile from the bedside nurse.

With Hope sleeping peacefully in my arms, I watched as other children, half-asleep and crying, reunited with their parents in the recovery unit after surgery. The ability of their parents to comfort them was natural and effortless-- nothing short of amazing.

As parents, we were born to comfort our children. Our ability to bring peace to their hearts is powerful and healing. Today, it's surgery. Tomorrow, it may be a scraped knee, a failed test, or an unrequited first crush. As long as we are there for our children, the emotional pain will pass. Peace will return to their hearts. They will rest comfortably at night knowing Mommy (or Daddy) loves them. And when they sleep soundly, so do we!

Sweet dreams to parents and their children everywhere!


(Post submitted by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, M.D., M.O.M., pediatrician, author of "Twins 101," founder of TwinsDoctor.com, and the proud parent of a singleton and identical twin girls)

I, TV Critic

Okay, as for adults, I'm all for mindless television, as well as educational (I do love the Discovery Channel, and History Channel). Once the kids have gone down, I get to actually sit down and turn my brain off for a while. If that means indulging myself in my favorite TV shows for longer than I should- what can I say, we've all got our thing.

However, the use of the phrase "guilty-pleasure" when referring to a television show does bother me. People use this term instead of saying "...this really bad show that I love to watch!" Most television, especially when referring to a reality-show are bad-own it, who cares, we all love some "bad" TV.

As for the kids, it has to be educational, and I'm going to say it-I love Barney! The kids love him, and so do I. Barney teaches kids so many wonderful things in an appealing kid approved environment. They sing songs and tell stories, with real kids sharing "real" experiences that my kids can learn from. I love when any of my girls watch it, from little babies to little kids!

I, Chef

It's the FIZZ!

Most children love soda because of the fizziness. Here's my secret to give my kids soda:

3/4 cup Juice
1/4 cup Sparkling Water

The carbonation from the water turns any juice into "soda". So my kids have- "SODA JUICE".

Playing Nice

To see my girls sharing, trading, helping and playing together is such a joy. They are either playing wonderfully together or they are totally arguing, there's no in between. No middle ground! Their arguing attributes to my migraines, but the playing attributes to my humanity.

The innocence of children playing and interacting with one another is such a beautiful thing to hear and a see. They repeat our "adult" talk and use our words in their own play. If only adults could take all the wonderful things around them and incorporate only those thing in our "play", it seems so simple...

Often times my husband and I will listen to our girls playing "mom" together, and we can't help but smile. Warm feelings and good thoughts occur when hearing and seeing the gentleness of there play- "I must be doing something right", at least until they start arguing, again.

I, House-keeper

I put away, organize, clean and scrub the house down. The smell of Pine-Sol sweeps through the air. I look around, two hours later.......it looks as if I haven't done a thing! With the constant cleaning, organizing and putting things away, you'd think the house would look like I actually do those things!

I've realized that once you have kids, your house will never been big enough or clean enough!

We have a HUGE playroom, yet I find toys all over the house. We have an office (the Hubby's) and a half (my desk, in the guest room), yet I have paper, mail and school notices all over. Where does it all come from, and will it ever go away?

I, "Gumby"

I have become stretched in ways I never thought humanly possible. Pulled in every direction, with each child pulling a limb in opposing ways. My head, all the time, spinning around them like a carousel. "Mom" is the song that plays in the background-over and over, again, from dawn to dusk.

Once the kids have gone to sleep and I'm done for the day, an amazing thing happens. I actually reshape back, into something recognizable and stable, sustained only by this brief period of quiet and stillness.

6 hours later it all begins again...

Twins

Twins are a whole new ball game and I'm still learning the rules!

For those of you who are currently pregnant with twins (I can actually say that. It is so common, now.), I have a great book for you.

TWINS 101 - written by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, M.D., M.O.M (Mother of Multiples)

I just read the book. It was helpful as well as insightful! I wish I had read it before having the twins, it's a great beginning to a new adventure-twins. It was an easy read, with helpful info and tips, from conception through pregnancy and into the infant stages.

The book was written by a pediatrician who has a set of twin girls, herself.

I bought it on Amazon.

I, Mom

Okay-so it's been over a year since my last blog entry, needless to say I've been a little busy. The twins have kept me on my toes, knees, back, and ever other possible position trying to keep them out of trouble.

Any child between the ages of 1 1/2 to 3 years old is a bit trying. I've had double trouble on my hands.

Isabella started kindergarten, and Alexandra started preschool, and the babies stopped taking their morning naps!

I will try to continue keeping up with my blog since I can now do it on the go, thanks to my friend and assistant, that keeps my head above water-Blackberry!