I, Student

Before I am a teacher, I must first be the student. This is a continuous process of growing and learning for both me and my girls. This constant state of parenting will continue for as long as I want to be efficient in parenting my children. I am here to help guide them, teach them, and encourage them. So first, I must know them.

There is no “cookie cutter” way of parenting. There are useful ideas, hints, and help is always welcome, but I’ve learned that I must first discover each individual personality. Each child has their own set of "corks", their own degrees of sensitivity and individual needs.

Sometimes, I can group the girls all under the title- “my girls”, but in reality they have their own individual identity. Each girl is their own character, put forth with a different personality. When I am able to know my girls as individuals, is usually when I am most effective in teaching and taking care of them.

Isabella-Like most first born females, was born 25! Usually a nurturing, yet serious disposition…

Lex- The classic middle child. I always say I have 1, 2, 3 & 3. The twins are both considered 3! Therefore, she takes on the constant struggle between being a big girl like, Belle, and being younger like her baby sisters. Her spirit is unmatched, she rules the world…

Dani & Katie- They are our “babies”. They represent all that a child is- free spirits, which for now are vibrant and brave…

Though, each of my girls share amazing similarities and great parallels in personalities, they each encompass a wonderful uniqueness. Their similarities and differences divide as well as bring together wondrous ideas, thoughts, and great love. When I recognize each of them and appreciate the differences, is when they start to respond and accept what I am trying to teach them. I love and nurture each of them as individuals, and all as my daughters. Isabella, Alexandra, Danielle and Katherine, are my teachers…

I am a Contradiction...

Motherhood consists of a series of inconsistencies.

As a mother I contradict myself at every turn.

-It's too early for sugar, yet I have my morning coffee with something sweet.

-I yell out at our kids to "stop yelling".

-While applying my make-up, my girls are always asking to wear some and I always say, "you are beautiful with out make-up, you don’t ever need to wear any"- as I'm trying to make myself up!

-“Don’t run in the house, you’re going to slip and break your head”. What makes running outside any safer? In fact it seems the injury would probably be worse outside.

-I often catch myself saying "will you stop being silly". HELLO they are KIDS, which means they are going to act silly!

Here’s my vice, which I can’t help and don’t think I’ll ever change. I tell them (well, at least Lexi): “You need to sleep in your bed all night”. I secretly love when they come to cuddle with me and I won't turn them away.

I open my eyes, it feels like I just closed them, but in reality it’s the twilight of the night. There is a dark and quiet calmness that has settled in the house. I feel a presence around that awakens me from the stillness of my slumber. I slowly open my eyes. My little girl, with her eyes barely opened- talking in tongues, tells me “mommy can I sleep with you?” I know I should take her little hand, walk her back to her bed, give her a gentle kiss on the forehead and tell her everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you. Instead, I pick her up, lay her next to me, give her a gentle kiss on the cheek and tell her, everything is fine, you should go to sleep now-I love you.

I’m sure no matter how much effort is put forth, I know it will happen on many more occasions. It seems for me, motherhood is a series contradictions and cover-ups that at least for now seem to be in the best interest of my children…

Working Out

My at home regimen includes the following, which are performed throughout the day:

Dishes- works out my arms

Picking up things/toys/kids, etc... off the floor- abs and arms

Going over the gate(hurdles) - legs, and abs

Lifting the kids over the gate- arms, back

Going up and down the stairs for various tasks- cardio

These are just few of many "exercises" I do within my daily routine...

...I think I should be a lot thinner!

Little Shadows

I have a shadow that creeps about. No matter the time of day or change in sunlight- she's there. My shadow's image is small-but her presence is grand. She sometimes doubles up, and sometimes seems blurred into four small silhouettes. Though, a normal shadow is quiet and unassuming, mine seems to loud and boisterous, always wanting to be seen and heard. My shadow wants to be embraced. I can hug her and love her, until she is comfortable enough to sneak away, even if it's just for a few moments. I can count on my shadow always being there, whether I want her there or not. My shadow learns, plays and can even teach me a few things. My shadow wants her presence know to me and all those around me. So, for all of us moms out there who have the same or a similar type of shadow as mine, let's try to embrace it the best we can- because no matter how much sometimes we'd like to break away, our little shadow(s) need us...

Is Giving up, Giving in?

I am asked a question by my daughter and my answer is no. The phone rings, and it is a call I actually need to take. The twins decide they need me right away, and Lex decides she is going to ask me the same question once again- all the while I am trying to have an important conversation on the phone.

Moving about the house does not help when I have a blurred shadow of four, which seems to be following me. I try my hardest to continue the conversation, get the babies what they need, and tell Lex once again the answer is, no!

My shadow which contains the haze of four little impressions seems to have not yet disappeared. I once again get the babies what they need, I am again asked the same question by Lex, and the answer "FINE!" seemed to jump off my tongue in a fit of distress for one minute of peaceful interaction between me and the person on the other end of the phone line.

Is giving up, giving in? Sometimes, but once in a while I need that brief moment that comes when I do!

Summer

My alarm clock has been turned off-it is now officially summer. The scheduled chaos of school days has come to a temporary halt. We now wake up to the babies yelling "upppppppa" or Lex crawling in to bed for some morning cuddles. Scheduled activities for the summer don't begin until 10:00am.

I'm not rushing around all day like the crazed Taxi driver that moms usually become- but now the girls are home, together, the entire day!

Relaxing still seems impossible. Quiet only comes in small doses, between the screams of the girls bickering with one another. We look forward to summer vacation, once it's upon us, I find myself looking forward to school starting, again.

I get a break from driving around all day-only to break up the constant bickering between siblings. Figures!

Wanting to fly

My daughter has a dream to soar above, flutter among the flowers, glide along the clouds, and reach for the stars...

From the corner of my eyes I can see my 3 year old up to something. I glance over to see her with a balloon tied around her waist. She gets on her tippy toes, she jumps up! To her disappointment, she falls back down on her feet. She then decides she must gather the remaining balloons in the house-because that's what's going to do it, she needs more! She pleads with her sisters to let her have their balloons, "please I need them". She now has them all. She gets up once again on the tip of her toes, jumps up, and realizes-even with all the balloons, she still can't fly!

For over a year now, my daughter, Alexandra has been very saddened by the fact that she cannot fly. She is continuously asking me why she can't fly and when she is going to be able to fly. Her references include Thumbelina and TinkerBell.

Alexandra thought she had found a loop-hole to her whole flying dilemma! She didn't actually need wings to fly!!!

I took the older girls to see UP! this weekend. In the movie an old man uses balloons to lift his house up...At one point a little boys that has embarked on this journey with the old man uses the balloons to fly away. He young boy ties the balloons to his waist and flies off...

I, TV Critic

Okay, as for adults, I'm all for mindless television, as well as educational (I do love the Discovery Channel, and History Channel). Once the kids have gone down, I get to actually sit down and turn my brain off for a while. If that means indulging myself in my favorite TV shows for longer than I should- what can I say, we've all got our thing.

However, the use of the phrase "guilty-pleasure" when referring to a television show does bother me. People use this term instead of saying "...this really bad show that I love to watch!" Most television, especially when referring to a reality-show are bad-own it, who cares, we all love some "bad" TV.

As for the kids, it has to be educational, and I'm going to say it-I love Barney! The kids love him, and so do I. Barney teaches kids so many wonderful things in an appealing kid approved environment. They sing songs and tell stories, with real kids sharing "real" experiences that my kids can learn from. I love when any of my girls watch it, from little babies to little kids!

I, "Gumby"

I have become stretched in ways I never thought humanly possible. Pulled in every direction, with each child pulling a limb in opposing ways. My head, all the time, spinning around them like a carousel. "Mom" is the song that plays in the background-over and over, again, from dawn to dusk.

Once the kids have gone to sleep and I'm done for the day, an amazing thing happens. I actually reshape back, into something recognizable and stable, sustained only by this brief period of quiet and stillness.

6 hours later it all begins again...