Is Giving up, Giving in?

I am asked a question by my daughter and my answer is no. The phone rings, and it is a call I actually need to take. The twins decide they need me right away, and Lex decides she is going to ask me the same question once again- all the while I am trying to have an important conversation on the phone.

Moving about the house does not help when I have a blurred shadow of four, which seems to be following me. I try my hardest to continue the conversation, get the babies what they need, and tell Lex once again the answer is, no!

My shadow which contains the haze of four little impressions seems to have not yet disappeared. I once again get the babies what they need, I am again asked the same question by Lex, and the answer "FINE!" seemed to jump off my tongue in a fit of distress for one minute of peaceful interaction between me and the person on the other end of the phone line.

Is giving up, giving in? Sometimes, but once in a while I need that brief moment that comes when I do!

Summer

My alarm clock has been turned off-it is now officially summer. The scheduled chaos of school days has come to a temporary halt. We now wake up to the babies yelling "upppppppa" or Lex crawling in to bed for some morning cuddles. Scheduled activities for the summer don't begin until 10:00am.

I'm not rushing around all day like the crazed Taxi driver that moms usually become- but now the girls are home, together, the entire day!

Relaxing still seems impossible. Quiet only comes in small doses, between the screams of the girls bickering with one another. We look forward to summer vacation, once it's upon us, I find myself looking forward to school starting, again.

I get a break from driving around all day-only to break up the constant bickering between siblings. Figures!

Wanting to fly

My daughter has a dream to soar above, flutter among the flowers, glide along the clouds, and reach for the stars...

From the corner of my eyes I can see my 3 year old up to something. I glance over to see her with a balloon tied around her waist. She gets on her tippy toes, she jumps up! To her disappointment, she falls back down on her feet. She then decides she must gather the remaining balloons in the house-because that's what's going to do it, she needs more! She pleads with her sisters to let her have their balloons, "please I need them". She now has them all. She gets up once again on the tip of her toes, jumps up, and realizes-even with all the balloons, she still can't fly!

For over a year now, my daughter, Alexandra has been very saddened by the fact that she cannot fly. She is continuously asking me why she can't fly and when she is going to be able to fly. Her references include Thumbelina and TinkerBell.

Alexandra thought she had found a loop-hole to her whole flying dilemma! She didn't actually need wings to fly!!!

I took the older girls to see UP! this weekend. In the movie an old man uses balloons to lift his house up...At one point a little boys that has embarked on this journey with the old man uses the balloons to fly away. He young boy ties the balloons to his waist and flies off...

Sleeping

I use to close my eyes, lay my head down on my soft pillow, my body would sink into my heavenly bed and settle down to vivid visions of the most wonderful dreams. Colors popped, sounds seemed so loud, emotions seemed so real. I use to get scared- awakened by visions of surreal nightmares. Darkness rampaged my thoughts, falling, screaming, running, waking up out of breathe. Thoughts, emotions and actions seemed so real-scary or enlightening.

Now- My head hits my pillow, and what feels like one hour later-my alarm goes off. No colors, no thoughts, no wondrous images-just sleep.

There is a couple exceptions to this: The Children.

I feel a presence standing next to me, I open my eyes to find a tiny figure at the side of my bed. She has her water cup in one hand and her blanket in the other. She awaits my next move -allowing her to come sleep in "mommy's bed". When there is a night where everyone stays in their own beds, I will usually awake to the ever present "MOM" sound that seems to continuously be heard through out the day and echos into the night!

So, if you have the privilege to actually dream-enjoy!

Organizing Art

Problem: My mother threw out all of my childhood projects, so in turn, I keep all of my girls' projects. I have a hug bins of their art that I just don't want to let go, and it keeps growing.

Solution: I've decided to get rid of it all! Before I do that, I have taken on a major project of my own-I am going to photograph all their projects and create a book(s) of their work! Books do not take up room and they will have a chance to actually flip through and see all their art through the years (I don't realistically think they would actually to go through the bins to look at all their art). I try to take some pictures everyday, and photograph all their new art as it comes in.

Conclusion: I have a major project ahead-but once I'm caught up, I think it will work out great!

I, Adult

Why are you going? What are you doing? How long is that going to take? Why do you have to ____? When are you going to ____? Who are you talking to? ...and on and on and on... why, why , why, why, why......

When you reach adulthood, you have a sense of relief that you no longer have to answer to anyone. Well, let's just say it- our parents! We no longer have to justify what we do, when we do it, or how we did it...

...until you have children! Children are curious, dependent, caring, loving, and oh, so innocent! It's not easy though, when I feel like I have to answer more questions now as an adult-than I ever did.

I constantly have to justify why I did things in that particular way, and why not the "other" way. We all have to answer to someone and once you have children that's who your answering to! The answer "just because" or "because I'm the mom" hasn't yet left my mouth, though I've been very tempted. I may break eventually!

I, Comforter -- by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, M.D., M.O.M.

Last week, I had the unfortunate circumstance of having to take Hope, one of my twin daughters, to the hospital for surgery. She had a history of multiple ear infections, and I finally agreed to let the doctors place tubes in her ears. The procedure involves the insertion of tiny tubes through the ear drums to help equalize ear pressure and drain fluid from the middle ear.

The surgery took less than an hour, but it seemed like days before they called my name to meet her in the recovery unit. As I walked into the room, Hope was still emerging from anesthesia. Her eyes were closed, but she was writhing around and crying hysterically in the arms of a recovery room nurse. They had tried to give her a dose of a sedative and pain medication to calm her down. But no luck. She was mad!

I took her into my arms, and I could feel the pain and anger in her tense body. Though her eyes were still closed and she was in a half-awake state, my maternal instincts sensed that she acknowledged my presence. I held her close to my body and whispered gently in her ear, "Hope, Mommy's here. You're OK. Mommy's here now."

Within minutes she was relaxed and asleep in my arms. The sudden silence was obvious, and I got an approving smile from the bedside nurse.

With Hope sleeping peacefully in my arms, I watched as other children, half-asleep and crying, reunited with their parents in the recovery unit after surgery. The ability of their parents to comfort them was natural and effortless-- nothing short of amazing.

As parents, we were born to comfort our children. Our ability to bring peace to their hearts is powerful and healing. Today, it's surgery. Tomorrow, it may be a scraped knee, a failed test, or an unrequited first crush. As long as we are there for our children, the emotional pain will pass. Peace will return to their hearts. They will rest comfortably at night knowing Mommy (or Daddy) loves them. And when they sleep soundly, so do we!

Sweet dreams to parents and their children everywhere!


(Post submitted by Khanh-Van Le-Bucklin, M.D., M.O.M., pediatrician, author of "Twins 101," founder of TwinsDoctor.com, and the proud parent of a singleton and identical twin girls)